Corporate Bingo that doesn’t make the heart grow fonder 

On Monday morning, a notification of your Google calendar pops up on your phone: ‘9AM stand-up meeting.’ You’ll get ready to dodge the KPI’s, USP’s and win-wins splashing around. High time to set the bar at 800-pound gorilla, to get your ducks in a row and to discuss the elephant in the room. If you’re wondering: no, we’re not running a zoo. These are the corporate buzzwords that no boardroom can seem to shake these days. Over the years, meetings grew into a manager’s moment to kick off a round of corporate slang bingo, where you – for an hour or so – can cross off buzzword after buzzword. But in the meantime, these buzzwords are used as substitute for actually discussing and tackling real issues. And that’s a shame.

So, hereby a little knick-knack to dial down on the corporate language. And a dare to just do you. Of course, you can still use idioms in the workplace, but due to its overuse, some business-related sayings completely lost their initial meaning. Tip: stay authentic and bring back the actual meaning of expressions. Here’s a cheat sheet on how to Marie Kondo your corporate jargon madness.

Just say: be creative

Kudos for the ones who make it through the next brainstorm session without throwing in a little ‘out-of-the-box’, a pinch of ‘idea showering’ or a touch of ‘blue-sky thinking.’ We’re so used to throwing it around like brainstorm-confetti, that it has completely lost its value. So, let’s get back to ‘just’ being creative. That’s enough. We all know what that means – pinky promise.

You’re no zoo-keeper

Tiger teams, jumping the shark, ducks in a… well, you know what we’re getting at. Sometimes we tend to forget we’re talking about people here. Let’s stop being silly and just say what we actually mean, shall we?

110% = just bad math

We all want to make an impact, be a game changer and truly disrupt. We get it. But what does that actually mean? Like, literally? And why do we have to give a 110 percent? Things tend to get blown up, so what do you say – next year we’ll give a 150 percent? Since when is a hundred percent not the maximum anymore? I know we all like to ‘aim for the moon’, but let’s be realistic. It’s just exhausting.

You’re also not a sous-chef

‘Pick the low hanging fruit,’ is one we can still hear echoing in our dreams. Or should we say nightmares. Same goes for ‘peeling of the union.’ Or trying to find out someone’s ‘secret sauce. We’re not in the kitchen, people. Let’s save it for your after-office hours.

This just sounds wrong

‘Bleeding edge’, ‘moving the needle’ and ‘skin the game’ could be used in the same sentence with Hannibal Lecter. Kind of inappropriate speak that might make people feel uncomfortable when they’re not aware of its meaning. So, for everyone’s sake, let’s not turn the meeting into a horror movie. And speaking of inappropriate, what’s up with this ‘opening the Kimono’ phrase? I think we can all agree that this has zero added value when mentioned in a meeting. Or just in general, really. You have to admit – it just sounds a but creepy. How about we just say: revealing information? We’re all for body positivity – but there’s really no need to bring revealing body parts into it.

Let’s quit the corporate bingo, and beef up the human lingo. Are you with us?